Sawyer Penn- 5 years old!

Sawyer- There's something about your first baby turning 5, and mama can't put her finger on it. In some ways, you seem so so grown. And in others I'm reminded that you are still so small, and that 5 years is really not a long time at all.

5 years ago, I had it all figured out. I knew exactly the kind of mom I would be, I knew exactly how and what I would do for every situation I could possibly dream up. And then you were born and all of that flew out the window. You are more than I ever could have imagined or prepared for.

I have said this before-- You are an enigma to me. I work every day at trying to figure you out; trying to see what makes you tick and how exactly to help you best. I don't always get it right. More often than not, I fail horribly at it. But I'm thankful that you love and trust me enough to let me keep trying.

You have THE biggest heart, even though you don't always show it. You love so, so hard and feel all of your feelings in a big way.

You are without a doubt the smartest and funniest person I know. I know that all parents probably feel that way, but man you just amaze me every single day. Your favorite things are trains and dinosaurs and I think you probably know everything there is to know about them. You're starting to learn to read a few words and you've recently been really into learning how to do addition. You love learning how things work and are never content with just an easy or simple answer. I often find myself turning to the internet or a book to better answer whatever questions you are throwing at me! You have a pretty quick wit and sometimes I'm caught off guard by the things you say to me and I just have to stop and laugh. You are a master negotiator and prefer to do things on your own terms, but what 5 year old doesn't?

You have a love hate relationship with your brother, but maybe that's just how brothers are? Maddox thinks you hung the moon. You are usually pretty mean to him, but you have these super kind moments that show me that you really do love him.

You still have your bunny and you sleep with him every night, your favorite foods are tacos and macaroni and cheese, you love Berenstain Bear books, you're really into dressing up like superheroes, you're not super into art and getting messy, you need a made-up Sawyer story before bed every night, you like to snuggle for a bit right after you wake up in the mornings, you like playing t-ball and riding your scooter, and you are without a doubt, the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I hope that you are always brave enough to make your feelings known, but kind enough to do so gently when needed. I hope that you stand up for people who need help and that you will always take the high road, even if it's not the most popular one. I hope that we've given you the confidence you need to be whoever you want to be and that you know that without a doubt, no matter what, we have your back.

Happy, happy birthday little man. "I love you all my heart, rest of my life, even more than that, I love you most."