Dear Sawyer- Happy Birthday to my sweet, funny, smart, beautiful, and headstrong little boy. How are you a year old already?? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was holding you against my chest, breathing in that brand new baby smell, delicately kissing those teeny fingers, all the while wondering how in the world something so small could completely and totally consume my heart and soul?
To put it simply, you are just everything, Little Man.
This past year has been hard; I won't lie and pretend that it hasn't been. We had a rough start with nursing, you're probably the worst sleeper I have ever met in my life, you are incredibly attached to me and will let a total of 3 or 4 people hold you. I've slept sitting up while holding you for the better part of a year. Clothes are always dirty. Dishes are always stacked. My hair is always a mess.
But you know what? It's worth it. Every sleepless night is worth it when I get a sticky, slobbery kiss from you. Exchanging clean clothes and house cleaning for a game of peek a boo is worth it. Sitting with you and figuring out new ways to make you laugh is more important than any other task that needs doing.
You are worth it and so much more.
You may be turning one today and you may not technically be considered a baby anymore, but to me you will always be my baby. One year or 50 years, you will always be my baby.
I am so thankful for you, Sawyer Penn. You have shown me that I am capable of complete selflessness. There isn't a thing in this world that I wouldn't do or give up for you. It's important to me that you know that. You have shown me that I am capable of patience and of trucking on when I didn't think I could, because you needed me to.
You have shown me how to find amazement and joy in an empty cardboard box and a bottle of bubbles. My biggest delight is watching you learn and discover new things. Today, for example, you finally figured out how to use a straw. Your daddy and I were so excited. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I'd get so excited about something so small, but it made my day.
You made me a mommy. No matter how many babies we may add to our family, you will always be my first baby. I am so thankful for that and that I was chosen to be your mommy.
Right now, you are constantly on the move. You're not walking yet, but you are crawling, pulling up, and cruising everywhere. You love to wrestle. If daddy or I lie down on the floor, you love to crawl all over us. You think it's hilarious. You love musical instruments, Sesame Street videos, your daddy's guitar, the Little Blue Truck books, and going for walks/rides in your push car. You think water bottles are the best toys ever. You hate riding in the car unless you get to watch Elmo videos on my phone. You like terrorizing the cats. You still love playing in water and bath time.
You love to share your food and always offer bites to me, daddy, and the cats. You'll give me hugs and kisses, too. You've started wrapping your arms around my neck and giving me a big squeeze, while patting my back with your hands. It makes my heart melt.
You are so smart. You can say dada, mama, cat, dog, woof, go go go, and no. I've been trying to teach you to hold up one finger when I ask how old you are, but you just shake your finger at me and say, "No No No!"
You are such a good eater. You love healthy foods, which makes me happy. Some of your favorites are avocado, asparagus, black beans, mandarin oranges, chicken, and blueberries.
You are a perfect combination of everything. You love wrestling and knocking things over, but you love to snuggle up and read books. You're very empathetic- if you see another baby crying, you start to cry. I hope you never lose any of that. I want you to be strong and stand your ground, but I want you to help and stand up for people who can't. I never want you to be afraid to say how you feel or be afraid to be exactly who you are. We love you exactly as you are!
This past year has been a crazy, exhausting ride. But man was it fun. I love seeing the world through your eyes, little man. There are so many things that I can't wait to show you and teach you, but I'm in no rush. You stay little as long as you want! I just want to take these baby days and bottle them up, because they go by so so fast.
Happy Birthday, my sweet sweet baby. I love you more than I ever thought possible!! I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for you!
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