A Long Needed Update.

I've been meaning to write an update for ages, but we have been nothing but busy lately. Sawyer will be 2 in a little less than a month and he has grown by leaps and bounds since my last update.

We have had such a fun summer! It's crazy to think that last summer he wasn't even standing on his own. Now he's all over the place! We spent a ton of time at the splash pad, swimming in our pool, the Children's Garden, and doing walks with Hike It Baby. He LOVES watching the trains at the Children's Garden, feeding the ducks at Joseph Beth, and loves playing in any kind of water; those are definitely his favorite things.

His vocabulary has exploded this summer. It's so much fun to watch him learn new words and put them together. Some of the cutest ones are "Saw do," (He can say Sawyer, but if it's in a sentence he calls himself Saw), "What do?" (What are you doing?), "I deeeeeeed," (I did). He has the cutest habit of grabbing my hand and saying, "Come me, Mama!" when he wants me to go somewhere with him. He also says "bitches and doowah," which means biscuits and jelly. It's especially hilarious when he starts yelling it out at Cracker Barrel. His absolute favorite word to say is "butthole," unfortunately. We told him not to touch the cat's and ever since then he says it all the time. It's completely my fault, because I die laughing every time which only encourages him.

He is so smart and is picking things up so quickly. He knows all his colors, he knows quite a few shapes (circle, square, diamond, rectangle, oval, heart, triangle, and star), and knows a lot of his letters (still working on ABCs and numbers). He loves coming with me to dance class and has learned plie, arabesque, passe, and tendu, which makes this dance teacher super proud! We are working on potty training and it's going pretty well. We still have a ways to go, but we'll get there!

His imagination has started taking off recently. He loves to cook food for me in his play kitchen. He'll bring me something he made and say, "It's hot, mama," and then he'll blow it off for me. He also has a baby doll that he rocks and puts to bed. He'll make a crying sound and bring the baby to me so that I can make it better. He also pretends that random things are wands and says, "Stupefy" and "Lumos." <--- Parenting win, right there folks.

He loves loves LOVES trash trucks, school buses, fire trucks, and dump trucks. Pretty much if it is big and has wheels, he loves it. He spends all morning staring out the big window behind the couch waving at the school buses and trash trucks. It just doesn't get old for him. I love seeing how excited he gets, but there have been a few meltdowns when he hears them coming and can't get to the window in time. Cue me, running like a crazy person through the house to get him there.

This summer also brought some wonderful new friends into both our lives. It is so nice to have found a group of mamas that I really connect with and love. And their sweet kiddos are just as great. Sawyer loves his friends. He'll say, "My fwens, mama!" He really loves two little boys named Jonah and Desmond. He calls them "Jowah and My Des." He also has a crush on a sweet little girl named Marylynn. Love Love Love it.

Being a SAHM can be isolating and exhausting, but these mamas have definitely changed that for me. I love our little group of friends!

It's so strange that in a few short weeks I'll be writing an update for my TWO year old. Where oh where does the time go??

Our Breastfeeding Story

It's National Breastfeeding Week, so I thought that I would share our breastfeeding story here as it's something that I am incredibly proud of and something that I want to remember.

I think for moms who want to breastfeed, one of the biggest worries they have is that they won't be able to. At least that's how it was for me. It was something that I wanted so badly and I was so scared that it wouldn't work. And it almost didn't.

I had read so many birth stories where the baby magically latched on after being born and nursed right away with no trouble. That was not Sawyer. We tried over and over again at the hospital, but he couldn't figure it out. It was amazing to me how many nurses gave up on us so quickly. I look back on it now and it makes me mad and breaks my heart all at the same time. I was a first-time mom, incredibly exhausted and hormonal, I had a baby who couldn't eat, and I felt like no one was helping me.

We were sent home with a syringe and instructions to give him whatever I was able to pump. No amounts. No timeline. We had no clue. That first week was a nightmare. Sawyer screamed almost 24/7, he lost weight, and was labeled failure to thrive. We saw numerous pediatricians and made almost daily trips to the lactation consultants at UK. No one had any answers. I continually asked if he was tongue tied and all of them brushed me off, despite the fact that all the symptoms were there. My baby was starving those first few weeks and it's something that I will never, ever forget.

I eventually was able to get him to "latch." I use quotes because his latch was actually this incredibly painful biting motion that made me grit my teeth and brought tears to my eyes. He refused to nurse from the left side, so for the first 5 months of his life, I nursed exclusively from one side while pumping from the other. It was exhausting. Our pediatrician was not helpful. She told me that breastfeeding always hurt in the beginning.

If you are ever going to nurse a baby or if you are currently nursing and are in pain, please read this: BREASTFEEDING SHOULD NOT HURT. It may be uncomfortable and you may deal with some sensitivity in the beginning, but if it is painful, something is wrong.

Even after getting Sawyer to latch, he still couldn't gain weight. He was nursing almost every 20 minutes, screaming almost all the time, and not sleeping. Our doctor decided that he must have been allergic to something I was eating, so when he was 1 month old, I cut dairy, gluten, soy, egg, rice, and fish from my diet. We started supplementing with formula, but even then he still had trouble sucking from a bottle. He gained a little weight, but was still barely on the charts. He still wanted to eat every 20 minutes (at 3-4 months old, this shouldn't be happening) and he woke up every 20-30 minutes at night. He made clicking and gasping noises when he nursed or took a bottle, and had terrible gas pains and awful reflux. My supply began to suffer because he couldn't figure out how to suck, so my body didn't think there was a demand for milk.

So many people were telling me to throw in the towel and give him formula. They would make comments like, "It's not worth it. I would have stopped by now." And I wanted to scream at all of them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula-- it kept my baby alive when I didn't have enough milk. But our issues were so much more than breastfeeding. Something was WRONG and no one seemed to believe me.

When Sawyer was 4 months old we finally were recommended to a midwife an hour and a half away. Sawyer screamed the whole way there, but it was worth it and I will forever be grateful for her-- Christina Scribner of Copper Creek Midwifery. She talked with me for 3 hours. She listened to my concerns, she validated my feelings. And she took one look inside his mouth and confirmed what I had been asking since he was a few days old. Not only did he have a posterior (hidden under the skin) tongue tie, but he also had a lip tie. The lip tie prevented him from flanging his lips back to latch and the tongue tie didn't allow his tongue to move past his lips or lift up and down. Unfortunately, his ties were so severe that she couldn't clip them. So when Sawyer was 5 months old, we drove 2.5 hours to Dayton, Oh where a wonderful doctor named Dr. Notestine corrected his ties with a laser .

The majority of pediatricians and dentists (as well as the lactation consultants I saw) are not trained in diagnosing ties. If it isn't a super obvious one, then they are likely to miss it. It is so frustrating to see mothers talk about how their doctor says their baby isn't tied, but then months later they find out that they were actually tied. We saw 3 pediatricians, a La Leche League leader, and 3-4 lactation consultants and they all missed Sawyer's ties.

Sawyer's procedure only lasted about 2 minutes. It was awful. But as soon as he was finished, he latched on and we had the best nursing session we had ever had. There was absolutely no pain or discomfort. He got full for the first time in his life and slept the whole way home (another first). Within about a week, all of Sawyer's problems disappeared. He went from nursing every 20 minutes to every 3-4 hours. His gas and reflux vanished. He stopped screaming all the time. My supply bounced back and he started nursing both sides, which he had never done before. We still had to do suck training and chiropractic care for awhile because his jaw and mouth were so tight from not being able to fully open them for so long. I remember crying the first time we saw him stick his tongue out because I was so happy and because I knew that the revision and chiropractor had worked.

Fast forward to now, and we are still going strong at 21 months. I never, ever would have thought that we would make it this long or that I would even want to make it this long. It's still exhausting at times. When he needs comfort and reassurance, he wants me. When he's mad or upset, he wants me. When his mouth hurts because he's teething and it's 3 in the morning, he wants me. There are times that I am so touched out that my skin crawls at that thought of nursing. There are times, especially when he is practicing his yoga while nursing, when I think that I want to stop and just burn all my milk-stained nursing bras and call it a day. But then I think that one of these days, he won't come up to me and ask for "Mek" anymore. One of these days he'll run to daddy when he scrapes his knees instead of me. One of these days, I won't nurse him to sleep while singing his night night songs. I am not ready for that yet. He's not ready for that yet.

There are a lot of things I want to remember, like the fact that Sawyer refuses to nurse if he's wearing shoes. I want to remember how he tries to touch my face with his feet, how he says "sweeeesh" when he wants to switch sides, how he plays peek a boo in my shirt, and how when I tell him I love him while he's nursing, he winks at me. The one moment that I want to remember more than anything though, is this one. It's nothing extraordinary, but it makes my heart full. Sawyer was latched on and asleep-- the only way he would nap the first year of his life. I was hot, hungry, exhausted, and I had to pee. I was fighting the urge to just wake him up so I could get him off me. Out of nowhere and without opening his eyes, he put his hand on my face, unlatched and said, "mama," snuggled into me and went right back to sleep. Milk was running out the side of his smiling face and he let out a huge contented sigh. It made all those late nights worth it.

I am so incredibly proud of myself and Sawyer. Our journey has been a lot of work. Some people don't understand it, but they don't have to. It's not their journey. I'm so thankful for the local moms I met who stepped in and told me to just nurse my baby. They told me I wouldn't spoil him and that I should just nurse him whenever he needed it. They made me feel comfortable in my own skin and in my mom skin. They didn't judge me for not wearing a nursing cover (something I never thought I'd be comfortable not using), they didn't judge me when I needed to give him formula, and they supported me each step of the way.

I'm thankful for my husband, who was so supportive of me. He held my hand when I was in pain from Sawyer's latch. He made it clear that he supported my decisions, no matter what. He cleaned pump parts and bottles, he arranged pillows and helped me get comfortable so that I could nurse. He was a rockstar and I couldn't have done it without him.

I am thankful that I listened to my mama gut and kept pushing for answers, I'm thankful for sticking with it even when it was hard and we were both in tears. And I'm so thankful for my sweet blue eyed blondie and this bond that we share.

17 months!

I have a 17 month old. That's one month away from being 1.5 years old!

My little man is not so little anymore and he is continually surprising me. He is so smart! He picks up new words every day and has started to put a few together. He'll say "All done," "All gone," and "bubbles, please." And as of a few hours ago, "Love you!" He has also started saying his name, which is adorable. He only says the first syllable, though.

When we're at home, he's a total wild man. Talking, running, jumping, and playing. When we're out, he's still incredibly shy and likes to stay close to me. We're working on it! He loves going to dance class with me. He's picking up more and more with each class, which makes this dance mama very proud!

We went to New York City a few weeks ago with my mom. He did so well on the airplane! I highly recommend making a snack tray out of a tackle box and hitting up the dollar tree or Target dollar spot for some goodies. He did pretty well throughout the whole trip, although he was even more attached to me than usual. I'm sure it's because he was in an unfamiliar place.

While we were there we visited Central Park (and the zoo), the American Museum of Natural History, the Children's Museum of Manhattan, the 9/11 memorial, and ate tons of good food! Sawyer's favorite by far was the dinosaur exhibit at the Natural History Museum. We didn't get to really see any other exhibits because he was so in awe of the dinos! We probably stayed in there for an hour. He ran from dinosaur to dinosaur, yelling out "Roar!" and "Big!" It's so much fun to watch him discover things and to see him so happy. We did get to go to the jungle room to see the tigers and we saw the big blue whale for all of two seconds before he started crying for more dinosaurs.

I took him to Strawberry Fields to the Imagine memorial. There was a man there playing guitar and Sawyer entertained everyone by dancing and shaking his booty. He LOVES music and listening to anyone play the guitar. He really loves the Beatles and Blake Shelton, which cracks me up.

The food was incredible- Little man was in heaven! He had shrimp pad thai, dumplings, empanadas, street pretzels, and so much more. I'm so happy that he loves food so much!

Now that it's starting to warm up some we've been spending a lot of time outside. It's so much fun now that he's mobile. He loves going to the park and going down the slide. He's not a big fan of the swings, though. He loves his push car and cozy coupe, but he would rather push them around than sit in them and ride.

His favorite toys right now are balls and trucks. He loves Daniel Tiger and the Elmo tooth brushing song. He will kiss our cheeks and say, "happy." He still loves to bring us books, climb in our laps, and listen to us read. His favorite books right now are (still) Little Blue Truck, It's Pumpkin Day, Mouse, and The Pout Pout Fish. He loves dinosaurs, bubbles, dogs, and crayons. He doesn't color much with the crayons. He mostly likes to just carry them around.

He can say "purple" and "blue" and can tell you which one is which most of the time. He has this habit of sticking his belly out and walking around, which is hilarious. If you ask him what he does when he's sad, he will poke his bottom lip out and pout. He likes to poke his belly and say "beep!" If you tell him to go to sleep he will lie down and make pretend snoring sounds.

We bought him a potty a few weeks ago because he started telling us when he needed to go. We aren't pushing it- but so far he has peed on the potty 3 times!

He is changing and growing so fast and I already find myself forgetting all the things that he does.

Sawyer, you are without a doubt the funniest and sweetest person I know. Even when you're driving me crazy, I just want to eat to you up. I love you so much, little man!

What Sawyer's Eating: Pumpkin Almond Butter muffins (grain & dairy free!)

So Sawyer's new favorite word is "cookie." And while I'm fine with him having cookies every now and then, I needed to figure out something that could stand in as a "cookie" when he's standing at the pantry crying, "Cookie, pwease!" I decided to play around with my 3 ingredient pancake recipe, and came up with these muffins!

Pumpkin Almond Butter Muffins

Ingredients:

2/3 cup almond butter (or nut/seed butter of your choice)
1/2 cup of pumpkin puree (not pumpkin pie mix)
2 eggs
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp pumpkin pie spice (You can sub about 1/4 tsp of nutmeg)
1/2 tsp baking soda
2 tbsp honey or maple syrup (optional)

*Preheat oven to 350*

In a small mixing bowl, combine almond butter, pumpkin, honey, and eggs. If your almond butter is hard to stir, you can heat it in the microwave prior to mixing it into the other ingredients.
Stir in the spices and divide batter evenly in muffin cups. I filled mine about 3/4 of the way full.

Bake for 15 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

This made about 8 muffins. I froze them and cook them for about 30 seconds when Sawyer wants a "cookie."

They were such a hit- He kept trying to swipe them as I was photographing them! This photo isn't focused and the lighting is awful, but I couldn't miss those little fingers reaching for one!

15-16 Months!

Sawyer is almost 16 months old and the past few months have been so much fun.

He is all over the place- running, walking, dancing. He doesn't really climb much, but I'm sure that's not far off. This has probably been one of my favorite ages so far. He's learning new things so much faster than he used to. I feel like he's picking up new words every day. Feel free to skip, but I want to list these out so I don't forget them.

Current Words:

mama, dada, cat, dog, fish, meow, woof, quack, no, yes, cup, poop, truck, switch (which he says when he wants to switch sides while nursing), bubble, cookie, please, shoes, that, hat, apple, nana (banana), roar, vroom, beep, tap, trash, and cheese.

He knows where his hair, eyes, nose, toes, belly, ears, and mouth are. He can make the signs for milk, drink, and more. He knows what sounds the dog, cat, monkey, duck, chicken, and dinosaur make. He will flap his "wings" like a chicken, which is hilarious.

I bought him his first pair of ballet shoes. They are so stinking cute. If I ask him to dance, he will either tap his toes, twirl around, or shake his booty. I love bringing him to the studio with me because he's started imitating all of the other dancers. I hope he ends up loving dance as much as I do!

Some of his favorite things at the moment are his Chuck trucks, watercolor paints and crayons, bubbles, music (he's still obsessed with David's guitar), and those tiny disposable paper cups that you use for brushing your teeth. Kiddo is obsessed with those cups! It's the weirdest thing. He also loves helping- He likes to turn the lights off for me, shut doors, throw things in the trash, feed the cats, and put things away.

He is still an awful sleeper. Will there ever be a time when he isn't?? He is now letting me actually put him in his crib for naps (most of the time). After 14 months of holding him for every single nap, it feels pretty amazing! His schedule is crazy right now. I thought he was trying to drop one of his naps, but now it's like he's changed his mind. He still wakes up anywhere from 3-8 times a night. He'll get it eventually. I hope.

He is still nursing and I am so proud of the fact that we have made it this long! I look back on those days before his tongue and lip tie revision and I have no idea how we stuck it out like we did. I'm so so grateful we found someone to finally diagnose and treat him!

He is still a great eater. Some of his favorites at the moment are: fish, curry, bananas, guacamole, broccoli, and parmesan cheese. I made the mistake of giving him a Girl Scout cookie the other day and now he points to the pantry all the time and says, "Cookie, pwease." So hard to say no to that!

He has a temper, for sure. He has started hitting, which I know is a phase they all go through. I still don't like it though. He will also throw himself back on the floor if he gets mad. It's so hard to keep a straight face when I tell him no because he looks ridiculous.

I have no idea how I got lucky enough to be the mama to this sweet, funny, smart, beautiful, wild little man! You are everything, Sawyer Penn, and mama loves you so!

A Little Update

I stopped doing monthly updates and chalkboard pictures once Sawyer turned one, but I thought I would write a little update.

Little man is 14 months old and is finally walking. He definitely took his time. He'd take a few steps here or there if we made him, but he didn't really start walking on his own until he was almost 13.5 months. He's into everything now!

He can wink (with both eyes, which is the cutest thing ever), wave, clap, blow kisses, put his finger to his lips and say "shh." He knows where his hair, toes, and mouth are, and will give you a hug and pat you on the back. He blows raspberries on David's belly. He knows which of our cats is which. He will say "la la la" if you ask him to sing. He says dog, woof, cat, meow, hot, truck, yes, that, vroom, go, Elmo, mama, dada. One of his favorite things to do is to point at everything and ask, "That?"

He has 10 teeth that are completely in and, because the universe hates us, is cutting all the rest of his teeth AT ONCE. His last 2 molars and all 4 canines are starting to poke through. His mouth is a swollen mess and I want to curl up and cry. lol At least once these are through then that will be it until his 2 year molars come in. Which, given our teething track record, will be tomorrow.

He is still the worst sleeper on the planet. On a good (ha!) night he will wake up every 1-2 hours, but recently he's been up every 30-45 minutes because his mouth hurts. I know people mean well, but every time someone asks me how he's sleeping, I want to punch a kitten. Hopefully he'll figure it out one day. If not, I guess he'll be the only college student whose mom rocks him to sleep at night. ;)

Kiddo is a champion eater and I think I'm more proud of this than anything. His favorites right now are broccoli, avocado, frozen blueberries, mandarin oranges, veggie sticks, "pancakes" (banana, egg, & peanut butter), and bananas. He loves smoothies and water (We don't give him juice. There's really no need for it at his age.). I have been given many eye rolls and snide remarks in regard to what I feed Sawyer (which I just brush off), but he will eat anything (besides pickles! Whose kid is this??). I don't judge other mamas for what they feed their kids, so please don't judge me for what I feed or don't feed mine. I do on occasion give him treats (pizza, graham crackers, Oreos, and some of my Christmas cookies), but for the most part he eats what we eat. It's been so much fun to cook for him and watch him discover new foods and tastes. I really hope he keeps it up and doesn't turn into a picky toddler!

He got his first hair cut a couple weeks ago but he is still rocking some serious bangs. Kiddo needs a headband, stat.

We're still going strong with nursing and considering all our trouble we had in the beginning, I'm super proud and thankful! No plans to stop anytime soon!

Some of his favorite things right now are: Elmo, Christmas trees & lights, his train table, chasing me around and trying to catch me, helping me put the clothes in the dryer, going for walks in his push car, his trucks, bath time, dogs (we don't have one, but kiddo is obsessed), and reading Little Blue Truck over and over again.

I have no idea how he is 14 months old. It's been an exhausting whirlwind of no sleep and too little coffee, but man oh man is he worth it. I wish I could bottle up his smell, his belly laugh, and his sense of wonder, so that I can take them out years from now and just remember. I look back on his baby pictures and I feel as thought I've already forgotten so much. It's such a catch 22. I LOVE watching him learn and discover new things and I have a list a mile long of things I can't wait to do with him. But at the same time, I just want him to stop. He doesn't look like a baby anymore (when did that happen?? The day he turned 1??). His chubby cheeks are gone and now he looks like a little boy. I can't even shop in the baby section anymore. I have to go to the toddler section. What is this madness? Excuse me while I sit and cry.

Sawyer Penn-- Mama loves you. Every sticky, non-sleeping inch of you. I wouldn't trade you for the world, Little Man!

What Sawyer's Eating: Pancakes 5 ways (grain, dairy, & gluten free)

We try to stay as close to gluten and grain free as possible. Sawyer isn't allergic, but it's much healthier for him (and us)! That's not to say that he never gets oats or rice, but if there's a way to make something without a bunch of gluten then I usually do it.

These pancakes are so simple and there are so many different combinations that you can do. I'm going to show you the few that I have been alternating here for Sawyer's breakfast. Most of them start with the same base (egg and banana) and then I change up what I add to it.

Here are the ingredients that I choose from (again, sorry for the crappy phone pic):

*almond butter
*peanut butter
*egg
*banana
*sweet potato
*canned pumpkin

Combination 1:
Pumpkin Spice

1 egg
1 banana, mashed
2 tbsp canned pumpkin
pinch of pumpkin pie spice

Combination 2:
Sweet Potato & Nut Butter

1/2 a small baked sweet potato
1 tbsp almond or peanut butter
1 egg
pinch cinnamon

Combination #3:
Banana

1 banana, mashed
2 eggs
1/2 tsp baking soda
* you can add blueberries to this one as well!

Combination #4:
Peanut Butter Banana

1 banana, mashed
1 egg
1 tbsp peanut butter

Combination 5:
Almond Butter & Banana

1 banana, mashed
1 egg
1 tbsp almond butter

For all combinations, simply mix the ingredients and cook. I prefer to cook mine in coconut oil. Again, the possibilities for combinations are pretty endless. You could also substitute applesauce for the eggs and avocado for the bananas, but I haven't tried those yet.

Sawyer loves these topped with plain greek yogurt. I have another recipe I will share in a day or two for Apple Pumpkin dip- he loves to have it on top of these pancakes as well!

What Sawyer's Eating- Gluten/Grain free Pumpkin Muffins

Little Man loves pumpkin. Maybe not as much as some of you die-hard pumpkin spice fans, but he is really loving it lately. I usually hate buying cans of pumpkin because most recipes don't call for the whole thing and I end up wasting it. But I have 3 pumpkin recipes I'm planning to share this week and the best part is that you can use the same can for all of them. No waste!

First up are these Grain Free Pumpkin muffins. This is the second batch I have made for him because he loved them so much. I like giving them to him as a snack because they're filling, but they're not full of empty calories, sugar, and other junk.

(I apologize for the crap pictures-- I had to take them quickly with my phone instead of my camera)

Ingredients:

1 cup of almond flour
1 cup canned pumpkin (not pumpkin pie mix)
2 eggs
1/4 cup almond butter
1/4 cup of honey, agave, or maple syrup (I used maple syrup)
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
1/4 tsp salt

Preheat oven to 350*

In a mixing bowl, combine almond flour, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice, baking powder, and salt.
Add wet ingredients and mix until everything is thoroughly combined.
Spoon batter into prepared muffin cups- about 3/4 full.
Bake 20-25 minutes, until the tops spring back when touched.

Allow to cool and then freeze, if you want. I usually keep them in the freezer and pop them in the microwave for 30 seconds.

If I weren't cooking these for Sawyer, I would probably add some pecans and chocolate chips!

Happy Birthday, Sawyer!

My baby is a year old today. I can't even process that at this point. It in no way feels like we have known this little man for a whole year, but at the same time, I can't even remember my life without him. It's like he's always been a part of our family.

Dear Sawyer- Happy Birthday to my sweet, funny, smart, beautiful, and headstrong little boy. How are you a year old already?? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was holding you against my chest, breathing in that brand new baby smell, delicately kissing those teeny fingers, all the while wondering how in the world something so small could completely and totally consume my heart and soul?

To put it simply, you are just everything, Little Man.

This past year has been hard; I won't lie and pretend that it hasn't been. We had a rough start with nursing, you're probably the worst sleeper I have ever met in my life, you are incredibly attached to me and will let a total of 3 or 4 people hold you. I've slept sitting up while holding you for the better part of a year. Clothes are always dirty. Dishes are always stacked. My hair is always a mess.

But you know what? It's worth it. Every sleepless night is worth it when I get a sticky, slobbery kiss from you. Exchanging clean clothes and house cleaning for a game of peek a boo is worth it. Sitting with you and figuring out new ways to make you laugh is more important than any other task that needs doing.

You are worth it and so much more.

You may be turning one today and you may not technically be considered a baby anymore, but to me you will always be my baby. One year or 50 years, you will always be my baby.

I am so thankful for you, Sawyer Penn. You have shown me that I am capable of complete selflessness. There isn't a thing in this world that I wouldn't do or give up for you. It's important to me that you know that. You have shown me that I am capable of patience and of trucking on when I didn't think I could, because you needed me to.

You have shown me how to find amazement and joy in an empty cardboard box and a bottle of bubbles. My biggest delight is watching you learn and discover new things. Today, for example, you finally figured out how to use a straw. Your daddy and I were so excited. I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I'd get so excited about something so small, but it made my day.

You made me a mommy. No matter how many babies we may add to our family, you will always be my first baby. I am so thankful for that and that I was chosen to be your mommy.

Right now, you are constantly on the move. You're not walking yet, but you are crawling, pulling up, and cruising everywhere. You love to wrestle. If daddy or I lie down on the floor, you love to crawl all over us. You think it's hilarious. You love musical instruments, Sesame Street videos, your daddy's guitar, the Little Blue Truck books, and going for walks/rides in your push car. You think water bottles are the best toys ever. You hate riding in the car unless you get to watch Elmo videos on my phone. You like terrorizing the cats. You still love playing in water and bath time.

You love to share your food and always offer bites to me, daddy, and the cats. You'll give me hugs and kisses, too. You've started wrapping your arms around my neck and giving me a big squeeze, while patting my back with your hands. It makes my heart melt.

You are so smart. You can say dada, mama, cat, dog, woof, go go go, and no. I've been trying to teach you to hold up one finger when I ask how old you are, but you just shake your finger at me and say, "No No No!"

You are such a good eater. You love healthy foods, which makes me happy. Some of your favorites are avocado, asparagus, black beans, mandarin oranges, chicken, and blueberries.

You are a perfect combination of everything. You love wrestling and knocking things over, but you love to snuggle up and read books. You're very empathetic- if you see another baby crying, you start to cry. I hope you never lose any of that. I want you to be strong and stand your ground, but I want you to help and stand up for people who can't. I never want you to be afraid to say how you feel or be afraid to be exactly who you are. We love you exactly as you are!

This past year has been a crazy, exhausting ride. But man was it fun. I love seeing the world through your eyes, little man. There are so many things that I can't wait to show you and teach you, but I'm in no rush. You stay little as long as you want! I just want to take these baby days and bottle them up, because they go by so so fast.

Happy Birthday, my sweet sweet baby. I love you more than I ever thought possible!! I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for you!

11 Months!

Sawyer Penn is 11 months old today! I'm pretty sure I'm in a state of disbelief. There is no way this kiddo is one month away from his first birthday. I look at him and don't see a tiny baby anymore. He's a sweet, smiling, happy little boy.

This kid has personality for days. When he's happy, he's all smiles and squeals. He yells at the top of his lungs and bounces when he gets excited. When he's mad he's not shy about letting you know it.

He finally started crawling just after he turned 10 months. Now he's constantly on the move. He's pulling up, but only when he feels like it. He'd much rather wait until someone picks him up! The past few days I've been letting go of his hands and he's able to stand up for a few seconds on his own. I'm not sure that I'm ready for a walker, though!

He says 7 words: mama, dada, cat, quack, yuck, woof, and go go go. He knows what cat means and he always says "woof" when he hears the neighbor's dogs bark, but he doesn't really know what the other words mean yet.

Teeth 7 & 8 finally came through last week! I gave him an apple to chew on and looked in his mouth and they had popped through! I'm so over teething! 8 down, how many more to go??

We moved his crib back into his room a few days ago. I think that I may be part of the reason he's up so much at night. So far he's had a few stretches that were 2-3 hours, but nothing super remarkable. I'll take 2 hours over every 30 minutes though! Baby steps. I'm hoping he figures it out soon because we're all exhausted.

Right now some of his favorite things are riding in his push car, being outside, dancing to the Doc McStuffins theme song, playing on the floor in his closet (with the doors open, obviously), his little cars, and playing in water. He loves when I give him a few bowls and some water to splash in. I'm pretty sure he'd play in water all day if I let him. He is obsessed with lights. He's just figured out how to point to things the past few weeks and he points to all the ceiling lights and gets mad when he can't touch them. He also likes helping me flip the light switches off when we leave rooms.

We've added a few new foods to his diet. He loves peanut butter and mandarin oranges. I made a curried soup the other night that he went crazy for. He also loves pot roast, beans of any kind, and cheese. His favorites are anything green: avocado, asparagus, broccoli, peas, and green beans. The only think I can't get him to eat these days are eggs. I'm not sure what changed. He used to love them, but now he refuses.

I've started planning his birthday party. I'm so excited! I've always loved planning events and parties and it's even more fun when it's for your own kiddo! We are going to have a dinosaur bash!

I wrote this the other night and shared it on facebook, but I'm going to share it here as well so that I can read it to Sawyer when he's older.

Little Man- I'm feeling sad and nostalgic tonight. You're growing so fast and I can't keep up.
I was exhausted tonight when I nursed you to sleep and was hoping you would fall asleep quickly. But then you grabbed my finger and held on and it hit me like a ton of bricks that one day your hands will be bigger than mine.
I wonder what they'll be like, your hands?
Will the fingertips be rough and calloused because you play guitar like your daddy? Or will they be stained with paint, strong from building, or covered in flour because you bake like your mama?
Before I know it you won't need me to brush your hair out of your eyes, cut up your food, or rock you to sleep. And for some crazy reason, I was trying to rush you tonight.
There are moments when I have to stop and remind myself of that. I'm not perfect, far from it. Sometimes I get tired and aggravated and wish that you would just go to sleep.
Like tonight.
But then you hold my finger, snuggle in close, and nothing else matters. I would hold you all night (and I have, many times) if that's what you needed me to do.
You will never be an inconvenience to me.
I love being your mama.
You've been sleeping in your crib for 3 nights now and I already miss having your little body curled up next to mine. Those little sighs you make when you drift off and how your head fits perfectly under my chin- I want to bottle those things up and hold on to them forever.
So go ahead and take your time, little man. I won't rush you. I'll be right here, even when your hands are bigger than mine.